Caffeine Infused Reality

Oh, hello again

2008-07-28T13:33:00.000-07:00

So I have completely neglected this poor blog all summer. It's been a very busy one and I haven't had the chance to travel outside of my fair city too much. Though that in itself has been a blessing; Chicago is a beautiful city that this summer has allowed me to fall in love with all over again. Today I went to Oak Street Beach, sat under a tree, and read a book. Then I ventured over to Corner Bakery for a salad and ended up jotting down four pages of my thoughts. It's been a great summer and as it winds down, here's a short recap and some thoughts about it.

Summer was kicked off with a bang in the form of my 21st birthday party which was one of destruction and good times all around. After terrible birthdays in the past in college, it was so wonderful to have so many good friends come out for it. It was the same weekend as Looptopia which was such a great experience for Rubbish as a whole. May and June were really all about starting up my internship at the Museum of Contemporary Art and my job at FFC. Both of them have been such great experiences as the internship winds down and the job only begins. Also, my 21st birthday was celebrated on the actual day, a Tuesday- so hard to go out really- but with a few close friends that I couldn't thank enough. The Chicago Diner sang to me about 4 different times and I don't know if I could feel more loved :)

June, Alexis and I moved to the new condo. The condo with the view enough to make you stop, catch your breath, and grab your chest. It's true, I've seen that reaction happen on many occasions. Though it looks like a canvas backdrop on a movie set, it's real and simply beautiful.

The summer was mainly a mix of going out to hipster parties/ shows and working. Bob stayed down in the apartment more times than Alexis did, as he scored an internship at the Lakeshore Theater with his old boss.

Besides that, I can't really say too much. In the front of relationships, it's summer so some people are far and away while some are ever-present. KB and I don't talk too much any more, though he requested that we still be friends. The Joe effect, I suppose. There have been "suitors", there have been dates, there have been butterflies. The rest is not for the world to know.

I guess that's it. And now with some final thoughts:
As August nears, I can’t help but reflect back on my summer. Though I didn’t travel many places or live anywhere new, I did rediscover my beautiful city and myself.

Again, like last summer, I lived on my own, though this time with the company of a cat, and I was surrounded by good friends. Moving to a new home, having a new internship and a new job and still meeting new people, it felt like I was in a new city. Being freshly 21 also opened the doors to a whole new city experience.

I am more established and confident in myself, going out on the town and running into a whole slew of nightlife friends. Getting into afterparties for free, getting VIP passes and on the guest list because of the MCA, it’s a whole new exciting life that I love taking advantage of. I’m young and love to be social- why not!

I’ve also learned a lot about the realm of relationships. I’m young and love to be social, yes, and very, very carefree. I have my responsibilities and that’s good for me. As the Dandy Warhols put it, “just a casual, casual easy thing” is what I’m all about. The hard part is finding someone else who is all about that too. I’ve learned that many people read into things as they want to. (Que the honest best friend who will listen to your recap of last night and tell you what he really meant when he said that.) And many times that selective hearing leads to leading people on. In the last few months, in my opinion, I was “seeing some people” in their opinions, I was a girlfriend. As I straightened things out, I hurt them- but that’s what they get for assuming things, right?

While I let my thoughts take me to places near and far, a familiar song comes on in the restaurant. “June, July, and August said, ‘it’s probably hard to plan ahead.’’ And a whole new scroll of feelings pours in. One is déjà vu, sitting in this restaurant, having a lovely day on my own. It’s something out of a dream. But it’s also a reminder of sitting in another one of these chains in Denver, hearing another familiar song on the speakers there, making me feel at home.

This summer furthered some relationships and somewhat strained others. Tony and I sharing drunken talks and a hallucinogenic trip brought us so much closer. Andrea disapprovingly responding, though, with “funny how much we’ve all changed in the last four years.” Makes you think. Part of it saddens me to think about how young, naïve, and dewey-eyed we were. And how mature and hardened I am now. To think back on what that song used to mean to me is words different than what it does now.

But I have to stop and look at my life now: I have new friends and connections at work and the internship, I have stepped up a role in Rubbish, I have a fabulous new home, great friends surrounding me, and a new “casual, casual easy thing.”

To conclude, some pictures, as this is a photoblog.

The fabulous view from my condo- the entire skyline <3

The Chi Fam on my birthday party

Aaron, me, and Jenna on my actual 21st

Bob and me and a show

Sam and me on the 4th of July

A trip to Manhattan with my Mamaloo

In the bullet train from Tokyo to Los Angeles.

2008-07-07T02:51:00.000-07:00

Myself, Ashley, Nikki, and Sofia in front of the big Buddha in Kamakura!

Shibuya, Tokyo.

I fail at blogging, at least this blog in particular. Livejournal and I have become close, again, though. I find myself not knowing what is appropriate to write in each blog, though.

Since I last spoke with you all, I have moved to Tokyo. It is wild. Although, I miss an Anglo-based country for the most part. I shouldn't be comparing, but I am only human... I enjoyed living in London last year more than living here. It is ironic because I never wanted to live in London, only in Tokyo. My mother's pressures for me to become "refined and cultured", or to add to it, is what brought me there. Of course, mother knew best. I fell in love with that city at seven and never forgot it. Neither did she. What seven year old acts the way I did about a European capital?

Harajuku

Purikura is intense!

Condomania!

My Japanese is horrible which should surprise no one. Trash cans do not exist here and oftentimes soap in bathrooms. Japanese style toilets are, honestly, just plain stupid. Japanese style houses, though, are quaint. It is a far cry from what I would consider comfortable, but the differences are what makes it interesting and enjoyable. On a cheap note, I am a lard in this country. Literally, anything beyond a size six is fat here. I am, alas, a 8/10. So, clothing shopping has been minimal, but damn do I have some fabulous accessories and new cute toys.

The girls, Mike Shallow, and myself went to one of the top ten dance clubs in the world one weekend. It's called Womb. Apparently, it has the second best sound system in a club in the world and I would believe it. 4 floors, three or four bars, several DJ areas... best light show I had ever seen. You didn't even need drugs, hah.

To occupy myself and further my dorky enjoyment, I've taken to looking for all the vegan restaurants and cafe's that I can find. I believe I have a vegan nose. So far, I have found several restaurants on my lonesome. I've been to 4 places and one bakery so far. Found two all natural, organic grocery stores too. My inner vegan is giddy at the chance of new experiences and knowing I will not run into fish broth on total accident. My birthday cake below was all vegan. Tasted like banana bread, mmm.

Host mother, sister, and I.

In host mother's kimono.

What else is different? Tattoos are taboo. Talking on your cell phone on the train is frowned upon. I feel like McDonald's is a bigger deal here than in America. Tamago terriyaki burger, anyone? Starbucks is around a lot. I'm getting my expensive java fix. Cigarette vending machines... booze vending machines. A certain type of drink called a, "chu-hi". Cheap, yet delicious in some flavors (go with mango or apple!).
Cycling counter-culture is huge here. I have seen so many hipster bikers. Ahhh... I love it. Only seen a couple Chrome bags so far, though. ;]
The thing I find of interest most to me is not the place itself, more my reaction. I've changed in the past year. That is all I can put on it. I am not at all who I was a year ago and this little dream I had and am now living... means less to me than it probably ever did. I am grateful, do not get me wrong. Incredible experience and even more beautiful, amazing people I have met here... but for what I need inside my heart and soul. It isn't there anymore. Somewhere... I lost it. It was replaced, I suppose, with some other dreams and over zealous desires to achieve other, more pressing things. I find myself more "homesick" here than in any of the other places around the world I have lived. It is no different than any one of those places, yet my priorities have changed and that is why I feel this way. The mere fact that I am physically here must show that I was to belong here.
I should stop over thinking.

Shibuya crossing... busiest intersection in the world!

Me at Sensoji Shrine in Asakusa.

Tarina Tarintino and I!

Went to New York Bar at the Park Hyatt Tokyo for my 21st birthday.
(The bar from Lost In Translation.)

Only in Japan.

Maybe you'll get what you want this time around,
alexis

KISS ME, I'M SHITFACED!

2008-05-23T08:12:00.001-07:00

I've been listening to the Dropkicks way too much for my own good.

Anyways, I'm in Riga, Latvia as I type and there are many British folks here coming home from the European finals that took place in Moscow on Wednesday. Ahhh.. futbol.

I'm pretty bored and I can't wait to return to America. Let's see. I went to Tel Aviv, Israel for a couple days to see my sister and my new niece, Yahli, who is adorable. My mother and my sister argued a lot, there was crying and me mediating and I basically hated my existence while my brother-in-law looked on sympathetically. Same old, same old. Then, I was taken to the end of the world, literally, the Dead Sea. 6 days of nothing. I mean nothing but salty water. I read a 400 page book, sketched, wrote 16 post cards, and a 3 page letter (which was not just a letter, but rather kind of a scrapbook + letter) I never sent. Went to Riga for a day, spent the next 6 in Liepaja where my aunt and cousins live. The only form of technology I had in the time was the BBC World News as it was the only channel in English. I am amazingly knowledgeable on the big bad things of the world now (because the news is never positive). Did you know 1.5 million people die of TB every year and 6 million people are infected? Who knew consumption was still so, er, popular. So.. 3 movies as the theater plays them in English with Russian and Latvian subtitles, Indiana Jones, Speed Racer, What Happens in Vegas. Manchester United vs. Chelsea. iPod on the balcony. Giving up on Nietzsche after a chapter because my brain veto-ed after reading two 400 page books the week before. Latvian beer. My 15 and a half year old cousin who knows English but is embarrassed of her Russian accent so won't speak and only responds to me with, "Yes", "No", "I don't know.", or shrugs. Great conversation piece, let me tell you. To top it off, she has got herself a tiny fashion mullet and scenester clothing minus actually being affiliated with any sort of musical styling. Siggh.

My letter to the USA:

Dear Lady Liberty,

I could kiss you. Let's go to whatever state actually let's gay people get married (is it Mass? CT? Can't remember.) and get hitched.

Love and cupcakes from your devoted exiled countrywoman,
Alexis

Sorry Jen --- Lady Liberty is my new wifey. Hah!

Riga, Latvia.

And we're back.

2008-05-04T23:42:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello again.

The 2007-2008 school year flew by at an incredible speed. To think of Alexis and me and this point last year compared to now is so strange. We've changed so much, our situations in life have changed, and we've experienced so many wonderful and not-so-wonderful things. But I can speak for both of us when I say that I couldn't be happier.

We are moving out of our lovely apartment at the end of May and will be movin' on up to a beautiful condo with a breathtaking view of our fair city. I will be staying there all summer, working on an internship at the Museum of Contemporary Art, Rubbish is taking over the world going to Cannes and being plastered all over the internet, and Alexis is globetrekking once again. This summer takes her to Israel, Latvia, Russia, Tokyo, Hawaii, and perhaps a jaunt over to California. With my free time, I will be traveling as well, though with more spontaneity and staying stateside.

So this little ditty has been started up again, mainly for Alexis and I to keep in touch with each other because, goodness, it's been 9 months since we've gone more than... a week? without seeing each other. :(

So here's to an incredible summer full of adventures, experiences, and moments to remember for a lifetime.

And in the end, what do we have to show?

2007-09-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

So both Alexis and I traveled all summer. I spent a very crazy week in Salt Lake City full of my 30 year old coworkers buying me 3.2 beer, going to see the Bourne Ultimatum, making incredible contacts, getting job offers, meeting Chris Sharma, Daniel Woods, Alex Puccio, and Jason Kehl. I got screwed over when the afterparty was 21+ but had an amazing night outside of Park City at Canice's house for the GoLite Party. I miss my coworkers terribly now that I am back in Chicago. As we were packing up and leaving that night, I saw more stars than I ever have in my life. I asked Colin "Do they have this many stars in Colorado too?" He laughed and nodded. I said "I am sooo moving back here then." and he replied "We've been waiting all summer to hear you say that!" It was a very pleasant ending to a whirlwind week.

Since then, Alexis and I moved into our apartment in the heart of Chicago. We couldn't be in a better location and we're surrounded by friends and tons of things to do. Jason and I visit each other almost daily, Alexis and I walk to the beach to lay out and study. We make cocktails and watch Sex and the City regularly. We also named our place "The Copacabana" because we felt it was very fitting. Our first party here went pretty well. Less attendance than I would have liked but my vegan cupcakes were a hit.

Speaking of vegans, we go to the Chicago Diner quite regularly and are starting to know the waiters by name. They, however, forgot our names and refer to us simply as "the Ladies" but it has a ring to it so we don't complain.

School is school. Alexis and I both are business majors in denial. Business majors who never want to go into business. Go figure. But we suck it up and make plans to go shopping after class to get through the day. H&M has taken a chunk out of my budget but I look fab so oh well!

And such is life, I suppose. It's been wonderful, dear readers. Until next summer, perhaps. Au Revoir.

The perfect way to describe the next two weeks [and I think Jen would agree]:

2007-08-09T15:03:00.000-07:00

THIS SHIT IS B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Peace out!

we float take life as it comes

2007-08-05T10:26:00.001-07:00

So today is my last day in Denver. Tomorrow I take off for Salt Lake City at 7:15 am. I've been too busy packing, sorting, going crazy to even stop and understand what's happening. This week as a whole has been insane. As the "oh my gosh I have a week left" feeling kept hitting me, I would realize all the things I had to do and freak out. I am still leaving without doing everything I wanted to, but I'll live without a few more hikes under my belt.

What has been going on this past week you ask? Well, Jay and I hung out a lot. I basically lived at the office getting everything ready for OR. Had more drama than anyone needs at any time of their life. I went to Sue's doc in an attempt to fix my spasming back, ended up with painkiller/ muscle relaxants. I worked a 10K/ triathalon for GoLite yesterday then went shopping then packed til 1am. All on 2 hours of sleep! And today I am packing like crazy, shipping home boxes, getting my haircut, doing last minute shopping, getting a last lunch with Sue and Wade, then living up my last night here with Jay. I'll also do the traditional going around taking pictures of everything I've recognized as home for the last two months.

As I left the office on Friday, it hit me that this is the last time (at least as an intern, we never know what the future holds) I'll walk through those doors, past that giant sign, stand face to face with the Flatirons, be familiar with Gunbarrel. After packing like crazy all day, my boss, Colin and I stopped and looked at each other, "this is it? we're really done?" we said to each other in complete disbelief. It was a surreal feeling. With that, I walked out of the office for the last time and got a little teary-eyed. That's when I realized that my summer here is over. Colorado is now a thing of my past.

This next week is going to be insane. I'm expecting to be completely overwhelmed and blown away. I have some appointments lined up with rock climbing companies. And some really kick ass parties. It'll be a good time, though pardon my MIA status until next Sunday. I won't have time to breathe, let alone sleep or be on the computer.

Coming back to Chicago will be bittersweet, but so welcome. I've waited to be back in the city for two and a half months. There are so many things I want to do, but as soon as I get home, I have to pack up and move to my apartment in the city. Let's not dwell on that now. I have plenty to get through before I get back to sweet home, Chicago.

We are on the same high, you and I.

2007-07-23T18:29:00.000-07:00

Fair readers,

How are YOU? I never ask, which is very cruel of me as if it were not for all of you other fleshy beings, existence would not matter. I would not matter. The realities which we think are real would cease to be, rather instead creating new ones where I do not want to imagine or go into for that matter.

I have made friends with a British native despite the fact I feel a bit scholarly in comparison. Ah well, he is not an American, so I suppose that is great progress. He still would like to bang me (plainly obvious within a drunk sort of capacity... or whenever) which is just positively annoying. I reckon I can avoid minor details to enjoy the accent and/or unusual London-y scenery for less than five days.

I partook in a certain activity I for one thought I would a) never do and b) certainly not do in the seedier areas of London town. Bar hopping has to be one of the most expensive, mind-altering (in a substance kind of way), humanizing experiences one can be included in. Followed, perhaps, closely by real clubbing (none of this fake, kiddy, all ages business).
Night one consisted of sitting on the sidelines (oh! shock, horrors! Alexis is a wallflower), taking in life as it passed me by. Some people just should not be allowed to leave their humble abodes in certain attires. Half-naked (or basically naked) is definantly a part of that, especially when it is rather clear you, in fact, do not have the proper body for such a skimpy wardrobe. For the most part, ridiculous looking emo/screamo kids and oh!-i'm-so-goth kids look exactly the same anywhere in the world: ...just bad. I hate to inform you but your sister would really like her black skinny jeans back (and possibly her hair straightener) and starch white really should not be one's facial coloring unless in some kind of kabuki performance (and I know for a fact there was none of that going on before you wandered into a Camden Town club/bar). I watched on, unsure of who was more pathetic. Was it me because I sat on a bar stool, peering on, sipping on some overpriced alcoholic beverage, silently mocking these people and their really awful dancing skills? Or was it them due to their aforementioned thread choices and movements? Still then, they are at least having "fun", where as I was probably not. I was experiencing, though, which says something, right? Oh, before I forget, what the hell is hardcore dancing? I mean, seriously, you males look like you are having some brilliant seizure, a choreographed one to boot. I seem to be lacking intelligence on the aesthetic appeal of this particular type of dance. After spending vastly too long having a sociological debate over counter culture, human interaction, and society as a whole within my silly mind, I decided the only sane way to deal with this mess presented before me was to get boozing. A drunk perception may have made much more sense, if not a breeding ground for clarity. I went about obtaining such a perception, much to my wallet's ultimate dismay. This was about the time it re-dawned on me that men as a whole are a despicable breed. I would be quite dead if I took all the drink offers thrown in my direction. Bitch, please, get over your bad goth self (also, not one but two Russians tried repeated to buy me drinks. Nothing could be less appealing than a drunk Russian male. good god, ew). Upon my realization that I was failing miserably at the game of free drinks! (and the use of my womanly wiles, [standing there seemed to be working just as well]), I decided to start taking up the drink offers (although, avoiding any Russians at all costs). Here in enters my new, slightly dense, beer saturated, "i-just-rolled-out-of-bed-in-these-clothes", male British friend. The rest of my eve was spent in Trafalgar Square at 4 in the morning. It is apparently a must to sit on one of the four gigantic bronze lions surrounding a very tall statue of Lord Nelson... but only drunk. And only in the middle of the night. It is a British London thing, so it seems. This plan failed miserably as first, neither of us were really drunk and second, the lions were all taken by people passing around bottles of liquor and smoking pot. Instead, I acquired a rather picturesque hour where we sat in front of Mr. Nelson which happened to be in direct line with Big Ben in the near distance. Honestly, you could not get more stereotypical. According to my new friend, Pete Dohertey is the new Bob Dylan. Or something.

Oh, and that is about as phallic (Lord Nelson statue, ladies and gents) as it gets, thank you.

Night two was overall a success in regards to really bar hopping. Four places! That is not one, but four hops! Joe said this was pathetic; a rabbit could do much better. I think he was just being bitter as he was most certainly turning into a pumpkin and I kept him out four hours after he had turned into such an object. I rather got used to wiggling my way through mounds of people in front of a bar and screaming a drink name. What's up, seasoned pro, huh? We ended up at an alt rock club which was god awful unless you were belligerently drunk or really fucking sleepy. We were both the best of each worlds. Joe's amusement of humanity in this place did not seem to cease until about 2:30, which by this point I had enough whiskey to be a dancin' fool along with a good 150 other young adults, if you will. That is the only way one can justify what they are doing. It is pathetic but oddly fun and one realizes, I suppose, they are a part of some greater humanity and are ultimately looking for the same thing: an activity, anything, to make life have some sense of purpose (other than just being alive which really does harbor a decent amount of effort sometimes) and the escapism from inherent loneliness that creeps up on all of us (after all, we are goin' out solo here). And, dammit, if that means drinking a hell of a lot of alcohol, "dancing" (from a bystanders perspective, this could be seen as a mating call at times, hence the cute air quotes), and walking into a bathroom where the ladies are doing lines of coke in a stall that won't lock (which is really fucking frustrating when one has to piss and they are too tipsy to really deal with such annoying details like a mechanical seal, so in some warped sense it kind of works out), then so be it.

The only burning question I still posses is: why is it whenever I tell some lowly male what I am studying here (architecture and WWI), since they always ask, they are somehow terribly impressed? Do I look dense to you? I mean, yes, maybe YOU are, certainly, but I am definantly not.

It is apparently big of me to spend my weekends not copying the exact same sequence of activities as I just described above. When asked what the hell I have been doing for seven weeks on Friday nights, I responded honestly with, "I have been reading philosophy and the biography of Howard Hughes, occasionally partaking in late night free writes." I was told I can take a night off from studying once and a while, you know. Hardly educational.

I leave London for the exploration of western Europe on Friday. Terribly sad, but I must admit I do so miss silly Americana. It is just home, you know? I would assume it is like craving your mother's home cookin', although, my mother does not do that sort of thing unless it involves some defenseless chicken.

Mad appreciation for the British booze or a plastered smile, you chose.

I am fucking hip & shit.

Lunching @the Ivy. Such a posh bitch, I am. Whatevez, I look fab.

Afternoon tea, oh gee!

Land of fucking cranes.

It is our function as artists to make the spectator see the world our way, not his way,
alexis

Thoughts and a latte.

2007-07-22T18:19:00.000-07:00

I have been in Colorado for a month and a half, about. To think back to when I first got here, it seems like 6 months ago- at least. Riding my bike, trying to find the bike path and getting ridiculously lost, wading around the library, downtown Denver, my constant search for wireless, sitting in Market Street Station Park trying to find a signal from Mario's, my constant search for social interation and a friend, playing pool by myself in the condo, it all seems so long ago.

In just a month or so I have become much more independent and okay with solitude. I've becoming more comfortable with voicing my thoughts and speaking up (though I could stand to do it more). I am okay with being on my own and enjoying the company of myself. I have learned a lot about myself, what I want, and what I need. I have set myself up and gotten hurt, smoked pot, had a rocky mountain hangover, ran 5ks, met family I never even knew existed, and whitewater tubed.

If I could go back and do things differently, would I? Of course- but not much. And that's what matters. 3 weeks from today, I'll be coming home- unpacking from this trip and packing to move to the city. I'll have experienced my first (and hopefully not my last) OR. And my future will be open for whatever I want to.

Once again, I was proven: You can never have expectations and you can never take anyone or anything at face value. Things are never what they seem.

And to lighten the mood and actually include a picture in this photoblog.... my new shoes!

Je suis, oui.

2007-07-14T18:05:00.001-07:00

So, I got this giant bag today for school. It's rather red and can possible fit my miniature poodle in it and if that doesn't work, then most certainly both my toy poodles at the same time. ....I think I may have redefined "oversized" pursed. Someone stop me.

I got nothing,
alexis

This is exactly what I have been doing all night:

2007-07-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

I tried absinthe earlier this eve to find out it tastes just like licorice. Who knew? Then I spent the rest of my night trying on my new outfits and deducing I have excellent taste, indeed. Meanwhile, as I did this, I danced to some sweet tunes. Then I had this period of reading my all time favorite trashy magazine, US Weekly, while sipping Diet Coke and listening to the Cure repeatedly. I moved on to reading pages about my Cancer disposition because generally what they say is so very true that is makes me giggle outloud and smile a lot more. Julia and I have been looking at cute online shopping websites and talking, which is what prompted me to come here.

Luv Usako [1:50 AM]: what is your sign?
Frog151515 [1:54 AM]: pices
Frog151515 [1:54 AM]: sorry this book is getting steamy lol
Frog151515 [1:54 AM]: i miss having available sex
Frog151515 [1:55 AM]: my sex is in michigan
Frog151515 [1:55 AM]: this fucking sucks.
Luv Usako [1:55 AM]: no wonder we are friends
Luv Usako [1:55 AM]: and a like
Luv Usako [1:55 AM]: haha wow
Frog151515 [1:56 AM]: are you emotionally capable of having a fuck buddy?
Luv Usako [1:56 AM]: no
Luv Usako [1:56 AM]: lol
Frog151515 [1:56 AM]: god dammit alexis
Luv Usako [1:56 AM]: lollllll
Luv Usako [1:57 AM]: i find sex to be rather abstract
Frog151515 [1:58 AM]: well, since fuck buddy is out of the question..
Frog151515 [1:58 AM]: how about european "fling"
Frog151515 [1:58 AM]: it's like a fuck buddy you'll never see again after august
Frog151515 [1:58 AM]: no akwardness
Frog151515 [1:58 AM]: just orgasms
Luv Usako [1:58 AM]: i'm loling hardcord over here
Frog151515 [1:58 AM]: hahaha good
Luv Usako [1:58 AM]: alas i do not know any men
Frog151515 [1:59 AM]: just find one!
Luv Usako [1:59 AM]: and when i see a man, i am usually appauled
Frog151515 [1:59 AM]: "hello, my name is alexis and i'd love to take you home, get you drunk and have sex with you on every inch of my apartment."
Frog151515 [1:59 AM]: that's all you have to do
Luv Usako [1:59 AM]: LMAO
Luv Usako [2:00 AM]: i love you
Luv Usako [2:00 AM]: you know, if i was drunk and desparate enough, i would have no problems saying that
Luv Usako [2:00 AM]: when do i care
Luv Usako [2:00 AM]: lol

and

Luv Usako [2:49 AM]: you know what i was thinking
Luv Usako [2:50 AM]: on my wedding day when someone asks me if i am nervous, because they always do, i will respond with, "no." and they will ask why. ..."why would i be afraid of marriage? i have tattoos. they are far more permanent than any marriage."
Frog151515 [2:50 AM]: lol
Frog151515 [2:51 AM]: i'm sure i'll be the one asking
Luv Usako [2:51 AM]: hahaha
Luv Usako [2:57 AM]: i do not think of my wedding
Luv Usako [2:57 AM]: in the sense of planning
Luv Usako [2:57 AM]: at all
Luv Usako [2:57 AM]: or children's names or any of that
Luv Usako [2:57 AM]: i guess i'm weirdly not a girl in that way
Frog151515 [2:58 AM]: i plan everything when i'm bored
Frog151515 [2:58 AM]: outfits, art projects, room ideas, etc
Luv Usako [2:58 AM]: if i have a plan for tomorrow, i'm doing good. lol
Luv Usako [2:58 AM]: oh i do that
Luv Usako [2:58 AM]: but not big life decisions involving another person
Luv Usako [2:58 AM]: me? i can handle that daydream
Frog151515 [2:58 AM]: ah
Luv Usako [2:58 AM]: i'm really okay with just me
Luv Usako [2:58 AM]: lol
Frog151515 [2:59 AM]: lol
Frog151515 [2:59 AM]: well you have me too
Frog151515 [2:59 AM]: and someday a small poodle, i'm sure
Luv Usako [2:59 AM]: hahaha. i think up shopping trips and sets for vanity shot
Luv Usako [2:59 AM]: the poodle
Luv Usako [2:59 AM]: i will have
Luv Usako [2:59 AM]: it will be my child!
Luv Usako [2:59 AM]: dammit
Frog151515 [3:00 AM]: but with the poodle will be a handsome, tall, tattooed, wealthy man (think alt. music record executive) that will have your name tattooed around his ring finger
Luv Usako [3:00 AM]: and now i have that sweet bicycle with the basket in the front. i simply must have the tiny poodle now.
Frog151515 [3:00 AM]: oh god, yes!
Frog151515 [3:00 AM]: i'm getting a hedgehog
Frog151515 [3:00 AM]: his name will be boo
Frog151515 [3:00 AM]: boo the boy
Luv Usako [3:00 AM]: hahahaha
Luv Usako [3:00 AM]: i love you
Luv Usako [3:01 AM]: you must
Frog151515 [3:01 AM]: look at it
Frog151515 [3:01 AM]: http://www.napak.com/hedgehog_01.jpg
Frog151515 [3:01 AM]: it's adorable
Frog151515 [3:01 AM]: lol
Luv Usako [3:01 AM]: hahahahahahahaha
Luv Usako [3:01 AM]: omg
Luv Usako [3:01 AM]: it is!
Luv Usako [3:01 AM]: fabulous
Frog151515 [3:01 AM]: this ones the best
Frog151515 [3:01 AM]: http://bigpicture.typepad.com/writing/images/hedgehog_babie.jpg
Luv Usako [3:01 AM]: ah
Luv Usako [3:01 AM]: itty bitty
Frog151515 [3:02 AM]: i know
Frog151515 [3:02 AM]: i will carry it around in my purse
Frog151515 [3:02 AM]: and if waiters treat me badly i will let it poop on the floor and then complain
Luv Usako [3:02 AM]: we will be quite the team
Luv Usako [3:03 AM]: with an entourage
Luv Usako [3:03 AM]: of small beings
Frog151515 [3:04 AM]: hahha yess
Luv Usako [3:07 AM]: loves it
Luv Usako [3:07 AM]: i know, i need to marry someone fabulous that will spoil me dead rotten
Luv Usako [3:07 AM]: i am vastly too in love with the finer aspects of life
Luv Usako [3:07 AM]: it is awful
Luv Usako [3:08 AM]: but they must be aesthetically appealing and i only like ink and a nice upper body
Luv Usako [3:08 AM]: and blue eyes
Luv Usako [3:08 AM]: psh

Twirl with me,
alexis

Yeah, you got that something. I think you'll understand.

2007-07-06T18:38:00.000-07:00

BIRTHDAY PRINCESS!

P.S.- I am, in fact, a dork.
P.P.S. - FIRE.

I wanna hold your hand,
alexis!

DOWN WITH THE MOTHER COUNTRY!

2007-07-04T17:31:00.000-07:00

GO COLONIES!

We [the Americans] poured tea in the Thames today,

alexis!

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of a Damn Good Cup of Coffee

2007-07-04T14:05:00.000-07:00

So I did a 4 mile race this morning, did it in 48 minutes. For most runners out there, that's probably shit time, but before getting out here, the last time I ran was in 7th grade really. Oh well, it's all about what I can do personally, not what others can do. So go me!

While I was running I was thinking how both Alexis and I are spending our 4th of July's in very different situations: her in the country of which we are celebrating getting away from and me in a very patriotic, back to basics area of the country. It's all about the land and the past here. And both places celebrate in their own unique ways. It's kind of overwhelming, actually, so much to do. I hoped I would have some people to celebrate this day with, but instead I'm sitting in a bookstore blogging, later we will have buffalo burgers, and probably watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Movies in bed, USA USA! Maybe I'll get a latte and some ice cream too.

On that topic, I found the best latte ever the other day. I had a french silk waffle cone and a milky way latte. Chocolate, caramel, vanilla, and something else, oh my. I might go get one now!

Date with the night.

2007-07-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

Of all the boys I've known, and I've known some!
Until I first met you, I was lonesome
And when you came in sight, dear, my heart grew light
And this old world seemed new to me
You're really swell, I have to admit you
Deserve expressions that really fit you
And so I've racked my brain, hoping to explain
All the things that you do to me

Where on earth have all the gentlemen gone? Someone, really, explain this to me. Here I am listening to the Andrew Sisters, reminiscing to a time that wasn't even mine. I am envious of my father and very glad I grew up dancing with him in the living room to this music. I remember swing dancing as a baby, for the most part, in front of the record player that now resides in my basement [which I plan to steal to Chicago in August]. You know, before he turned into Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
I am dancing with myself and maybe that is supposed to make me smile.

Progressively, I am molding into some sort of absinthe connoisseur. I bought Blanche de Fougerolles 74 today for my impending birthday. Clear absinthe, obviously 74 proof. I do not know if that is so healthy for one person. Ah well.

I really like the Imperial War Museum, Camden Town, and Alkaline Trio's version of Lucretia My Reflection is rather good, surprisingly so. That is about all.

Camden Town.

Go team.

Tower Bridge.

Dylan tells me I would love Boston. Hm. Well, hello Joe, what'dya know? I just got back from a vaudeville show!

Kill me, cupcake,
alexis.

Confidence is a Green Speedo

2007-07-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

Colorado's been going. After a small dialog with Illegal Pete's guy, not much has happened which is really disappointing. I'm also kind of ancipating July 4th since that's such a social holiday but we'll see how it goes. Socially, it's kind of slow here but I'm enjoying the rest of it. I miss Chicago terribly, but I know when I get back to the city, I'll miss being out here.

We went to Steamboat Springs, CO this weekend for the Trail Running Championships we were sponsoring. Colin and I drove up in the GoLite mobile, talking about everything from music to sports to how Colorado keeps blowing us away. We got in, set up for Saturday, met up with Dan and had dinner. Over pub food, we talked about the future of GoLite, which direction the company is trying to move into, and how we're going to get there. It's interesting to be involved at this time because instead of being established and knowing exactly what works, we don't. We are all learning together and it's really cool to see that. Then the 3 of us walked around town and then got drinks. My roommies, Kyle, Shay, and Meghan joined us back at the hotel and we hit the sack.

The race went awesome. I was the GoLite booth girl so I hawked our products, met tons of people, and got free stuff! Then we tubed the Yampa River. Backdoor Outfitters was the main tube rental company and the shuttle driver was definitely proud to be a backdoor kinda guy. (insert many many dirty jokes here). Floating along in the river, going through rapids, paddling along, it was all so peaceful. I did a lot of thinking and realized everything I need is here. Good people, good times, living life and making the best of it, staying positive, working hard and playing hard. It was so amazing, those moments of clarity. If I could, I'd pack up and move to Steamboat right there. But what a quirky town that was.
We took plenty of pictures, Kyle walked around town in his green speedo and got honked at more than Meghan and I did. Then dinner, some tequila and lemonade to celebrate the weekend and Kyle making Primal Quest, sock wrestling, music discussions, and late night talks about life with Shay.

Sunday, we got some breakfast at Winona's and Colin and I headed back home, more talks about life, Colorado, music, etc. We listened to way too much Dropkick Murphys all weekend. I really can't pick out one good thing from this weekend, it was all just amazing. My only complaint is that being under 21 sucks. It limits just how much I can be included in things. But really, I can't ask for a better job or a group of people to be with.

Fret for your latte.

2007-07-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

"There is a reason I called you. I felt you should be the first person I actually tell this to. Guess what I did today for my birthday?"
"What?"
"I said 'guess'!"
"... You got a tattoo."
"Yes! Indeed, I did. hahaha."
"Oh. My. God. What and where?"
"California poppy, left hip area."
"Did you squel like a girl?"
"No, actually, I really enjoyed it. Didn't complain once. It seems I do get off on pain."
"... You just get hotter."
"Oh boy."
"Not going to lie, turned on right now."
"Haha, bullshit!"

Shiny, shiny boots of leather,
alexis!

Still my favorite song.

2007-06-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

Drink up baby, stay up all night
With the things you could do
You won't but you might
The potential you'll be that you'll never see
The promises you'll only make
Drink up with me now
And forget all about the pressure of days
Do what I say and I'll make you okay
And drive them away
The images stuck in your head

The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

Drink up baby, look at the stars
I'll kiss you again between the bars
Where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air
Waiting to finally be caught
Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
Keep you apart, deep in my heart
Separate from the rest, where I like you the best
And keep the things you forgot

The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still
Between the Bars, Elliot Smith

I do not know,
alexis

Where nothing but earthly pleasures seem to matter:

2007-06-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

What the fuck gives, mate?

Today has been exciting in good olde London!:
1. Car bomb was detonated in Central London - Piccadilly Circle. ...ahem, al-Quada.
2. Holborn Tube station [where my school is located]: man was under a train. There were about a million Metro policemen.
3. FIRE! Yes, indeed, I saw a fire within the alley in front of my kitchen window whilst I baked chocolate chip cookies [I was feeling particularly domestic today-- I baked cookies for my kitchenmates.]

London is, to say the least, a bit hectic as we speak. Metro police are everywhere and the underground has a lot of "protection".

Oh, dear.

It is afternoon; I am ready for bed.
I am ready to exist again.
But, I just can't bring myself.

I am in some very extraordinary good mood as it seems and having a dance party with myself. I think I may mosey over to the lounge and watch The Big Lebowski at 11. Sadly, I do lack a Caucasian. I have been bidding my time with excessive shopping. It does so bring a smile to my lips, something rare now-a-days. As well as the never-ending exploration of Medieval alleyways. That is off-topic. I have acquired about 5 dresses, one of which is from Kate Moss' line at TopShop. It is sale season in London and I spied a Burberry scarf that should most likely be mine.

I hold your hands so you won't steal anything, I take your drugs so you don't feel anything,
alexis.

P.S.- THE SPICE GIRLS REUNITED. HOLY MOLEY.

I must go in, the fog is rising.

2007-06-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

The sea is calm to-night,
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; -- on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanch'd land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Aegean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
The sea of faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furl'd.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.
--Dover Beach, Matthew Arnold

Existence precedes essence,
alexis

I am milk.

2007-06-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

I went to the Victoria and Albert Museum after class this afternoon. I am progressively becoming a museum junkie. It is grand.

Anyway, my favorite part was the fashion section, naturally. Hah. I love the history of fashion and how it has evolved. Seeing it in person? Brilliant. Although, they had a very extensive Asian and South Asia section which was fascinating.

Harrod's. Can I have an unlimited credit card? Please? I was in a room with Chanel, Burberry, Fendi, Chole, and Yves Saint Laurant handbags. All. In. One. Room. I think I may have died a little. It was just gorgeous. There were no words. I lust after them. I am not an envious person, but god damn, Harrod's makes me greedy! Oh, the glorious handbags! Ah. I then sauntered into a room full of Valentino evening gowns. I almost cried. There were tears forming. I literally had to leave. So, I did. Alas, I can not buy all those pretties, so I bought some Harrod's themed gifts. Tea, a grocery bag for next year, and a key chain. Oh, how I love you, Harrod's. Vivienne Westwood's various lines were there. Oh my god, I can't explain my joy. The red line. The winter coat. The jewelry. Oh, oh.

Speaking of Miss Westwood, I went to the first store she ever opened today. World's End on King's Road, down the street from my room. I walked into living history, fashion genius. It was surreal.

Best couch ever, made out of Harrod's bears.

Shirley Manson is a goddess.

I don't know where to go tomorrow. You should tell me. Touristy sights or blow money at markets? I'm going to Camden Town on Saturday for some inky fun, so I suppose it'll be the touristy business. I wonder how that will go. Ideas, I tell you. I got 'em floatin' in this head.

I'm bored. I've been uploading photobucket all evening. I take too many pictures. 350ish so far.

I've run out of anything productive to say in this for the evening. I'm afraid if I continue, other unpleasant things will leak into my words, corrupting the sole purpose of Caffeine Infused Reality as a travel log of sorts. My other journals need tending to. This is not my idea of a good time.

Ah, by the by, I am rather drunk, as it stands. I write quite well in this state. Super.

Choke on guilt, that's far too good for you,
alexis

I wish I could fly, as angels can fly.

Land of Enchantment

2007-06-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

New Mexico is supposedly the land of enchantment, according to their welcome sign. I scoffed at that when we drove into the state late Friday night. What a drive that was. I swear we hit a time warp, some little towns with one stop light if that, little diners all over, Spanish missions. It was a trip. Once we hit New Mexico, we entered clear highway for miles. I didn't know that existed anywhere still besides movies. What a city kid I am. We drove through the desert and there was a storm in the distance. No street lights, just the stars and the headlights of the car- on occasion, lightning in the distance. It was beautiful. We stayed on the Pojoque Reservation and wow, they got some amazing land. Beautiful views in all directions. We went to a flea market and an artisan market, met some real life Indians! Ha, I sound kind of pathetic. Santa Fe was kind of boring, but give me open land and mountains any day! I really didn't want to leave. We did a 5K on Sunday before we headed home. I ran a bit and walked a bit, pushed myself as far as I could go at least, that's all I can do.

I didn't want to come back to Denver, but working at GoLite makes it worth it. I love it there. Everyone's so nice, I get free shwag almost every day, product test the new prototypes and such, it would only be better if I was actually paid! One day..

I've been doing what I can to stay sane and make friends. I talked to a guy from Illegal Pete's. He seems really nice- helped me find some concert halls, one of which I'm seeing Feist in on Friday! Woohoo! I gave him my number but we'll see if anything will happen with that. Also, there's a guy at the climbing gym who said to let him know if I want to climb outdoors anytime. I'm totally up for that, as long as I don't embarrass myself again! But I'm hoping to go climbing tomorrow and see if I can take him up on his offer sometime soon!

Besides work and travelling, I'm doing my best to stay busy. Tomorrow we're doing a hike, then I'm doing work all day, maybe climbing. I can finally drive stick shift and not pop the clutch! I'm a pro now! Well driving = freedom, so that works out pretty nice! For work, I'm going up to Steamboat, CO in the end of June for an event with the company, so that will be fun too! All around, a pretty good time.

As Alexis does, here's some parting lyrics that I've been listening to alot these last few days:
We wanted to find love
We wanted success
Until nothing was enough
Until my middle name was excess

Somehow I lost touch
When you went out of sight
When you got lost into the city
Got lost into the night

I was in need of help
Heading to blackout
Till someone told me "run on in honey
Before somebody blows your goddamn brains out"

You shoplifted as a child
I had a model's smile
You carried all my hopes
Until something broke inside
But now

We float
Take life as it comes
We float
Take life as it comes

So will we die of shock?
Die without a trial?
Die on Good Friday?
While holding each other tight

This is kind of about you
This is kind of about me
We just kinda lost our way
We were looking to be free
But one day

We'll float
Take life as it comes
We'll float
Take life as it comes

But one day
We'll float
Take life as it comes

PJ Harvey- We Float

Send me an angel to love, I need to feel a little piece of heaven.

2007-06-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid I've been a bit neglectful to Caffeine Infused Reality. I own three journals, one tends to get more time than the other depending on the subject matter. Livejournal has been taking up my time recently. I have this icon problem, uh. LJ is my thoughtful, I-don't-feel-like-writing-this-all-out journal with an audience. This is obviously a travel journal. My hand-written one tends to get the most time generally. I suppose it is special, it gets to tote around with me all the time. Poor internet journals.

I bought a $112 bottle of high grade absinthe on Sunday. That better me some whack shit. I'm excited for the ritual. Hoorah.

Joe and I went to the Queen's birthday parade thing. It was very British and nationalistic, therefore intensely cute. DUDE, SHE DIDN'T WAVE. I was SO upset. THAT IS HER FUCKING JOB. WAVE. BETCH. Camille was there and possibly William? It was hard to tell. I think I was more excited by the possibility of William. Hah. Oh, and it wasn't even her real birthday. It was her "royal birthday". Psh.

None of my classes are in a classroom. I'm learning the underground lines very well. I have to go to a different part of the city every day. We went to the Imperial War Museum on Monday. It was enjoyable. I have a lot of respect for those in the militia. I could not look another human being in the eye and then shoot them dead. Those eyes must haunt. It is mind-blowing and the psychology of it alone is enough to makes me shocked, let alone the act of killing another. I suppose that is when men become another object, not soul bearing, just another uniform to fall to the ground in a pool of blood. How could one act otherwise? I do not know. Nothing replaces the fact that you just destroyed someone and everyone around them... not for king, country, whatever it may be. There is nothing glamorous in war.

There are two stories that often remind of the above feelings, one from each of my parents. I suppose I will share.
My mother told me once that when she was living in Germany, she went to a butcher shop to get some chicken for soup as she was sick. She was waiting in line and the butcher got to her. She ordered what she came for and he just looked her in the eyes and said, "You are Russian." She was a bit taken a back and spat out, "How could you tell? Is it because you can't forget the eyes of so many you killed?" She then left. He just looked at her and did not say anything.
When the more recent rendition of Pearl Harbor was released, the one with Josh Hartnett, my father and I went and saw it in theater's. The scene with the actual bombing of Pearl Harbor and the aftermath, how it effected the country... I turned next to me to find him crying as he watched the screen. That is still the only time I have ever seen my father cry. Pearl Harbor was the day before his 18th birthday. When the movie was over, he was wiping away his tears, and said to me, "My friend who was in school with me since first grade through high school, he died in that. He was the cutest Japanese kid. He was only 18. How is it I lived and he did not?"

There is no justice. The unfairness haunts my father but without it he would not be here and I certainly wouldn't be either. But then, what is fair.

One does not pity the people of the town
nor does one hate them
One says, 'They did it to us'
but one is left staring
the scene has gone beyond argument.
VS Pritchett, Germany 1945

My history teacher and I were talking and I told him some of my family history. His friend and him are doing a documentary on WWII and the Caribbean. Guess who was stationed all through out there? I guess my father had a chat with the other man. He was very excited. There is apparently not much written about that and coming across anyone who was a part of that theater is very rare. Let alone anyone alive. My history tutor looked at me and told me my father is living history.

I am lucky.

My mother tells me I have seven guardian angels looking upon me. Not more than seven. Not eight, no less, not six. Seven.
Remember, child, God is watching.

Today I went to Greenwich with the Architecture class. Normally I find architecture to be a bit bland after some time. How long can you discuss and compare buildings? Honestly. But, it is vastly more interesting when you can GO to these places! Who knew. It is a bit like Shakespeare. So much, much better when played out by professional actors. Oh, I saw Othello on Sunday night at the Globe.

I am trying to decide if I want to bother going to Dublin or Scotland. To go or no? Ah, decisions.

I wish I had not woke up today
Everyone mistakes the things you say
Take the simple truth and
Twist it all around
Make it sound important
Make it seem profound

I never would have pegged you
For what you have become
Everyone lies
Everyone cheats
Not like you've done

Dog new tricks
Nothing you learn will stick
Dog new tricks
You make me feel so worthless
Garbage, Dog New Tricks

Send me an angel to love, I'm afraid I'll never get to heaven,
alexis

A modern girl.

2007-06-13T17:02:00.000-07:00

I explored the upper level of the British Museum this afternoon after classes. I could be in there for at least a week. There is just an immense amount of collections and it's very fascinating. Good story: I was looking at the directory and this middle-aged British man that works there comes up to me and asks me if I need any help finding anything. I said no and that I was just looking at the map. He then asked me where I was from, why I was in London, what I was studying and then ended our conversation with, *insert stuffy Brit accent* "Well, if I may say, you are splendid looking young woman. If you need any help at all, please ask me and I'll be at your service." ....I almost died. It was so funny. I didn't know whether to be creeped out that this 55 year old was hitting on me or totally amused because it came out so cute in that accent and general manner of presentation that a British elder man has. ..."lawl?"

Typical London housing on side streets.

The Tube from South Kensington station.

Mummies?

Michelangelo.

But now I stand on honest ground,
alexis

I can still feel you, even so far away.

2007-06-12T17:52:00.000-07:00

I love cooking. I also love how I can walk down the street and find vegan cooking essentials and make myself everything I love. I realized today I am up the road from one of the Vivienne Westwood stores here. I am SO excited. Oh-em-gee! Loves it.

There is so much to see and do. It's overwhelming. I feel under siege. Ah.

This is where I live, off of Kings Rd.

Room with a view.

Class tomorrow with my tutors. Haha. I love you, Brits.

London: one city, one nation,
alexis

And you can come on over to my place if you want to.

2007-06-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

So one week down, 7 to go. The first week here in Denver was rough. I'm getting used to my cousins and this strange southwest way of life. Meeting people is the hardest, though. I need friends because without other people my age, I'm really depressed. I sit on my balcony, staring at the mountains, and talking to friends from home on the phone. Without them, I'd be insane already.

My best night so far was Sunday though. Kevin and his friend Nick passed through Denver on their way to Utah.

We walked around the city, went to Wahoo's Fish Tacos, played pool, swam a bit, watched Dosage, then they fell asleep. My allergies and freight trains kept me up for a bit, and all of us ended up staying up talking before falling back asleep until the morning. Monday, we got up, I made them coffee, they drove me to the GoLite photoshoot and they were on their way. It was nice to have some people to hang out with. I'm still working on making other friends here.

Today Wade and I went up to the Bailey mountain house to get the car. It's a 1986 Audi, manual transmission. What an interesting ride home. I got highway driving down fine. It's the city driving with stop lights and all that give me trouble. Once I get that down, though, I should be good to go.

Two younger people from the the GoLite office offered to take me out in Boulder some time. It's really nice of them and I'm looking forward to it. They said they know of some dive bars in the area to get me into and we'll go out for a bit. In addition to that, this weekend, Sue, Wade, and I are going to Taos, New Mexico for some run and some hiking and climbing. The weekend after that, I'm hoping to go out to Utah to join Kevin and Nick, if I can. Things are getting better slowly. Now I just need friends (and maybe a job) and I'll be fine.

'cos I know how it feels, filling in the blanks, looking on the bright side when there is no bright side

2007-06-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

London is absolutely fabulous. I can't say more good things about it. I'm completely content and happy here and I would not have it any other way. It is typical of me to totally isolate myself on the other side of the world. No friends, no roommate, nada. I have made one friend, though. His name is Joe and he is my kitchenmate from Seattle. Film student going to school in Massachusetts. Did I spell that right? I remember in 5th grade there was some song in order to remember how to spell that state correctly. Then you repeated in backwards in the same sing-songy way. Uh. There a large handful of people from Chicagoland here but they seem kind of dull. I met a girl from San Jose today, Jaime. She seems cool. Typical Bay Area girl. I'm down.

So what is different over here? It is basically like America but a thousand times more interesting. Literally everything is hundreds of years old. The city, the streets, the sites. There is a market I am going to this weekend that has been in operation since 1190. Uh. You see my point. So it's this mix of rich history there is this buzzing, modern metropolis. London never goes to bed. I was walking around in the middle of the night and busses were running, people were walking around, restaurants/bars were open, some shops were open. It was alive like it was during the day. This isn't exactly the hoppin' part of London, either. It's Chelsea which is rather posh and laid back. I can't imagine what Soho is like in the middle of the night. Dear god. As a night owl, I was extremely appreciative. People are far less high stress here and more about having a good time which I completely agree with that sentiment. As the people who run this school said, the American stereotype is that we are "work, work, work, ... and, 'Have a nice day.'" So true. I catch myself smiling and saying that to sales clerks as I leave and they don't do that here. They say "Thank you" or "Cheers"... but no having any nice days. I must be a bloody American.

London is obsessed with organic here. It's so amazing. There are organic shops, markets, restaurants... cosemetic stores, herbal medicine stores. Vegetarianism and veganism is very prominent here as well. The everyday mini-marts here have vegan food and not only that, but it's marked vegan! So cool! I'm such a dork. I love it, though. I couldn't be more pleased. This is so my place. The shopping is intense. There is just so much of it that I don't know where to begin. Literally. I feel like if I start I won't stop and get lost in a sea of fabrics and vanity. I love it! Ah!

Brit girls are really intimidating. They all sound so intelligent with their accents. I feel like a moron in comparison. They end every sentence with, "...yeah?" For instance, I was sitting next to some girls probably my age and they were having your average girl chatter. Everyone of them would say something like, "So then we went to such-and-such's flat and this thing-and-that... yeah?" It was really cute. Not only that but they are all super pretty, thin, and strikingly European. American girls look plain sightly in comparison to European girls. The presentation alone. Oh my god. These ladies know how to dress in a knock-out kind of way. Jeans and a t-shirt are MIA here. ...Bloody Americans.

The education system here is a lot different. I kind of like it more. Teachers and students are much more personable and have a more friends, hands-on relationship. You call your professor a "tutor" and when addressing them, you call them by their first name. Campuses are spread across the city, not in one central location. Dorms are the same way. There is a ton of reading. Apparently an archaic form of asking what one is majoring in in college used to be, "What are you reading in your uni?" Reading equals majoring... literally because all you do is read, read, read. I guess the American obsession with group projects is much more of a limited idea here.

I decided I want to move here. I wanted to move here when I was 16. I looked into colleges my senior year but I felt too young to off and move to another continent at 18. There is an advisor here that gives you information if you want to come back for a semester or a year or if you want to come here semi-permanently for school, such as graduate school. I'm down. I have no qualms at all. Sure, I'd miss America but hey, there is a Starbucks every couple blocks here too. Sadly not at every cornor but fear not, there is Cafe Nero and Cafe Primero in case you need that espresso jolt. Anyways, it's totally doable, I would just have to decide if its a good idea to have a British degree vs. an American one. It's either this or California. I feel like I can live in California at any point in my life, grad school or otherwise. London, on the other hand, is more of a once in a lifetime kind of ordeal. I'd be very dense to dismiss it, no? So we'll look into it. You see, when I have a dream and a desire to do something, I go through with it. It's mine if I try. Anything is yours if you want it bad enough.

In other news, I have basically figured out the Tube. Public Transit in any country, even one such as Japan, is really not hard if you have a good map. I don't get how people are lost. Perhaps my nose is too keen with directions. Generally it is which is good because I am far too stubborn to ask for any sort of help.

I feel like a seasoned pro at traveling compared to most kids here. It's weird to think this time last week I was in Chicago, back to Springfield, and going to St. Louis to shop. It's crazy how a mere airplane ride changes everything.

As far as lingual differences go, there are quite a few. I keep thinking that British English is some kind of weird accented version of my English, kind of like my mother's Russian accented English. But that isn't right because Americans stole it from England. So... They are right and I am wrong. It's odd. Their English is so cute. Some things that stick out: flat is apartment, lift is elevator, telly is television, sun cream is sun screen, mash is mashed potatoes, tatties is potato, bangers is a type of sausage, courgette is a zuichini, aubergine is an eggplant, chips are fries, crisps are chips, clingfilm is plastic wrap, bill is check, bitter is beer, biscuit is cracker, gherkin is pickle, jam is jelly, jelly is jell-o, peckish is hungry, cheer is good-bye or thank you, cheeky is being a smart ass, dosh is money, dodgey is something or someone who is untrustworthy, fancy is to desire something, pudding is any kind of dessert, starter is an appetizer, sarny is a sandwich, gutted is being really upset, jammy is being really lucky, knackered is being worn out, pear shaped is something that has gone wrong, pissed is getting really fucking drunk, rubbish is trash, smart is refering is how someone is dressed, snog is to make out, uni is college, squidgey is soft, zed is how you pronounce "z", normal is regular in referencing soda. I asked for light ice in my latte and they looked at my like I was nuts. I guess you say less ice here. Who knew?

Daft Punk is playing a festival in Hyde Park this Saturday night. It's $80 to go and it's all day with a bunch of bands. I kind of want to go because obviously, I want to dance the night away to some good electro alt French techno loveliness but also because I can say I did that in London... In Hyde Park! Othello is playing at the Globe Theater that night and I could go see that for free. I feel like I should see a play there. Maybe I'll just pay to see one some other time. ...Which one to go to? You tell me.

Theres a blue light, in my best friends room
Theres a blue light, in his eyes
Theres a blue light, yeah,
I want to see it, shine

Theres a ship, that sails by my window
Theres a ship that sails on by,
Theres a world under it
I think I see it,
Sailing away

I think its sailing,
Miles crashing me by
Crashing me by,
Crashing me by

Theres a world,
Outside my doorstep
Flames over, everyones heart
Dont you see them shining,
I want to hear them
Beating for me

I think I hear them
Waves crashing me by,
Crashing me by,
Crashing me by

Blue Light, Mazzy Star

Pictures eventually. I haven't seen anything really picture worthy yet. I haven't started the endless trek that will be site seeing.

Smashing, dahhlingss,
alexis!

When you speak loud:

2007-06-06T14:03:00.000-07:00

I have been extraordinarily busy the past week. I've come back from Israel, unpacked, went to Chicago for 2 days and possibly sorted various things out, came back to Springfield, purged my closet of probably a fourth or more of my massive wardrobe with the lovely Julia to help me, and went to St. Louis yesterday with my partner in any cute crime (*ahem* Julia) for some much needed shopping good times. Do you like how I got rid of clothes and bought more the next day? Logistics of females, doesn't work.

I'm moving to London tomorrow. The internet doesn't work at my house so I'm in Starbucks using their wireless. They know me here. Yesterday I had my pink extensions in (by the way, my mother swears by her name that I am going to hell for my pink head, right) and today they go, "No pink hair?" hah. I'm so lame. ...And I love it.

I have a list of things I should be doing. Here's to starting that. Jen and I have been making phone dates every night for the past several. It's nice to know despite miles and miles, we are the same. My mother is indeed rediculously stupid, I have a wise choice in friends and particularly roommates. Hey Jen, I'll tell Julia to go and visit you at your second job when she's out in Denver. Small world, hah.

Hey friends don't you think you better cool it down
You're always gettin' curious and leavin' town
You know i like it being in your family
I wonder what would happen if nobody left
We'd all stick around if we'd all stick around

And here's a question that's been tested:
Tell me, if we sleep together
Would it make it any better?
If we sleep together
Would you be my friend forever?

If we sleep together
Would it make it any better?
If we sleep together
Would you be my friend?

Hey friend listen up their playing our song
On the radio, do you have to go?
I really like it, this rock and roll
Makes me want a little sugar in my bowl
It's like the glory days, it's like a fortune sold

And here's a question that's been tested:
Tell me, if we sleep together
Would it make it any better?
If we sleep together
Would you be my friend forever?

If we sleep together
Would it make it any better?
If we sleep together
Would you be my friend?

Let's none of us forget about who we are
So choose a path and follow it
Take a pill and swallow it
None of us forget about who we are
It's not forever we can fool around in the dark

If we sleep together
Would it make it any better?
If we sleep together
Would you be my friend forever?

If we sleep together
Would it make it any better?
If we sleep together
Would you be my friend forever?
Forever
La Familia, Mirah

Watching your house shrink away in my rear-view mirror
as I drive away
wishing that I could take back all those words
that meant nothing that I didn't say

I'm trying
to be what you want me to be
but it's so damn hard to keep playing the part
of the fool, week after week

I think you need some time alone (I think you need some time alone)
you say you want someone to call your own
open your eyes, you can suck in your pride
you can live your life all on your own

Is this all going to be just another time
that we play this game?
I've tried to convince you that things could be different
but somehow they end up the same

But what
did you expect from me? What am I supposed to do?
you say that you're starting to feel like you're getting lost
well, I do too

I don't wanna live this lie again (I don't wanna live this lie again)
I know I'll get it right but I don't know when
I'll open my eyes, I've got something in side
I'll just jack off in my room until then

It's never over 'til it's done...
Waggy, Blink-182

I'm done with the lyrics that share my thoughts all too well. I'm out, gone across the pond again.

typical jen and alexis in the car. to gunther's sexy sounds.

the city that brings us all together and breaks us all a part.

better times.

Cheers!,
alexis

Mile High City

2007-06-05T10:41:00.001-07:00

So I'm here in Denver, what a small, boring city. After two days of exploring, I'm already bored. Chicago spoils me, that's for sure. I've been job searching and I start my internship tomorrow. Transportation to Boulder is an issue, but we'll figure it out. I have to learn to drive manual, which should be interesting.

I have my own condo here, though it has no internet, a tv with 2 channels, no furniture besides a table, some random chairs, and an air mattress. I made a dresser out of cardboard boxes. Tonight I'm decorating, but here's what my humble abode looks like.
I spend my free time sitting on my balcony looking at the mountains on the phone with people. I need to make friends but that's hard when I don't have a job or a reason to talk to people.

Everyone here looks a lot younger than they are. I keep looking for people my age to possibly start a conversation and they end up being married or older. It's strange. And it seems like everyone here is in a relationship or married. I have seen very few young people walk around or shop by themself. It's always a couple. Just an interesting observation.

Basically, I'm lonely and a little depressed. I'm excited for the opportunities that lie ahead here, but I'm also really nervous.

Rocky Mountain High

2007-05-21T22:01:00.001-07:00

Well the plane ticket is bought and it is official. June 3rd at 12:00pm I'll be a temporary Colorado resident for two months. But while I still have a bit before I go out there, I'm enjoying my time home. My life has been Berruti's, hanging out with friends, and going downtown. I'm heading to the city tomorrow for a meeting and visiting some of my favorite spots before I leave.

Last Friday, it was too beautiful of a day to not do anything. We headed to Wisconsin to do some outdoor rock climbing. The excitement was definitely there, but so was my fear of heights, as I realized I was like 10 feet above rock with no rope.. sooooo I fell on my back. Kablam! Ow. Meh, I'm fine. I actually laughed and said "Eh, it's probably just my body freaking out that it fell onto the ground" amongst the "Ahhhhhh"s. Everyone else did really well. I took the positive out of the situation and realized that I have a hell of a lot of work to do before I can go out to Colorado to hike and climb. Kevin and John definitely showed everyone up with their mad skillz.

Bob also came home this weekend, so him and I got to spend plenty of time together which is nice. With him being away at school, we talk quite often but it's just better in person. We hung out with Paul, fileshared, went through his memories, play and went in Paul's hot tub. Unfortuntately, I didn't have my camera on me for any of this, what good is that! But I'll definitely have it on me tomorrow when I explore the city.

i can not think of a good title

2007-05-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

I finished Fast Food Nation and it was excellent. Read it if you have not. It gives details about the secret underbelly world of particularly the United States meat/foul industry and how the fast food industry really works. Honestly, the best advice in the entire book was the last paragraph. If you don't want shit in your meat and you want organic, farm raised, healthy meat then simply stop eating what the industries serve. You are the reason they can get away with it, therefore you can stop it. There are only a couple of them, there are billions of us. Outnumbered? Yes. One person refusing is a start. Be informed, don't practice ignorance and give into the lies. Is it so radical to want things the way they are originally intended to be? Apparently so. Even more radical is opposing genetic engineering and antibiotics. Genetic Enginering: It's What's For Dinner.

Killing time is tiresome. I really never want to be old. Old age is probably my biggest fear. I could not imagine being handicapped in the sense of not being able to run around and do things. How depressing.

I need to end on a better note. Opps. I'm out of time.

McDonald's is the bane of my existance,
alexis!

marigolds:

2007-05-19T03:44:00.000-07:00

Hello, blog. I am in the Dead Sea. They call it that for very good reasons. Not only is there no life in the sea itself, but there is nothing around it either. It is just a couple of hotels and the sea. Lame. I like to keep busy and just sitting around, takin' things in... not my style. Oh well. There is a spa. That is possibly the most exciting thing here. Facials, mud wraps, and massages. Oh me.

I have no pictures as of yet. When I get back, I will post them. I am presently staring at Jordan. I think that is kind of nifty. Who can say that they are directly across from Jordan right this instant? I'm wacky.

So, the religious Jews really LOVE bread. Last night was the Shabbat meal and OMG. Srsly. WTF? haha, I'll stop. Anyways, 2 whole loaves of bread for 4 people. No joke. Who needs that much bread? Not even mentioning the carb count...

It's at least amusing.

I like Tel Aviv. It's very modern and busy and awake all night. I think I am hummus-ed out. I'm pretty sure I've had it with almost every meal. Falafel! What up. I went to Jerusalem and rode a camel. Talk about religious fanatics there. Jesus. Hah, no pun intended. Yeah, it was a bit intense. But, whatevez, you know. To each his own. It was at least interesting. But, it was pouring. When the hell does it POUR and THUNDER in the Middle East? In the summer?! Bullshit. Weird.

The first day here, I was shopping in a mall (btw, they bag check every person when you enter the building for bombs and guns) and this producer totally spotted me in a shop, walked in, and proceded to ask me for 10 minutes to star in his movie. Hahaha. Oh lord. It was about Medievel times and the spot of princess was made for me, apparently. Trying to get across that I am not from here, I don't speak Hebrew, and I certainly can not act didn't exactly work. There just ain't any women like me in the Holy Land.

Gotta run, time is slowing going by here. I miss you capatalistic, fat America. You are one of a kind in a really awful way.

and everybody knows, almost doesn't count.

2007-05-11T22:43:00.000-07:00

And here we are. Jen's idea, I find it rather fabulous, no? There is so much to be done and said. Life is never consistant. That is really the only thing that is consistant about it.

I resigned from Hot Topic yesterday. Four years of mall retail hell with an influx of mall gawth brats and I loved every single solitary second. My soul belongs to that place and always fucking will. My DM and SM already asked me when I want to come back. Smiles. On that note, I realized that I own way too much clothes. Try 2.5 closets. I need to get rid of my shit. Julia's mom is going to put a bunch on my crap in their community garage sale while I'm in Europe. Plato's Closet to sell the rest and my friends can pick through anything they want. okay? By the way, I left HT spending $220. I surely know how to blow money. And I went out with style:

Julia and I went out for a girl's night of sushi, gossiping, and sno cones. I went out with my boss, I suppose ex-boss, last night for late night Denny's. She's totally batty and it is lovely. She loves rough sex and hard goth music. Amazing. ...for only those reasons? I will miss Julia immensely as she is basically my soulmate. Talk about a walking rainbow disaster on heels. A 12 year old looks like it took over our rooms and re-decorated and threw in some sex toys? ...Right!

I got my hair re-done again.

...And because Jen hate's this picture:

I have yet to pack, it's 1:17 AM and my flight is at 9:30 AM. Opps. I'm off to the Middle East. I'm sure it'll be insane, it always is. There is something special going on over there, that is really the only reason I can see why it is the Holy Land. You'd have to go there to get it. You'd feel it too. And I am certainly not religious.

I'm out. I'm gonna forget about things and move, move, move. It is how I am. I am in touch with my youth and freedom.

Jive!,
alexis

And here we are.

2007-05-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

So summer has officially began. I'm in the burbs, Alexis is in Springfield. It's funny that we can be so far apart and won't see each other for months, but we still text and call and say 'question mark' and fab and know what each other means. <3 bff fo sho.

I leave for Colorado in less than a month and it still hasn't hit me completely. I got my old job at Berruti's until I leave and everything seems to be similar to last year- going on short hikes, bonfires with friends, late night phone calls. But all of this is temporary for me before I pick up and move to a city where I know noone.

To begin this summer of growing, learning, etc, I have new hair to start off some changes.
Tomorrow, I may get pierced. New friends, new surroundings, new look, new me, I suppose.

Cheers to a John Hughes-esque summer of independence.